Snowbound Baby (Silhouette Romance) Page 11
She shook his shoulder. “Cooper?”
He mumbled.
“Cooper, I want you to get up and come downstairs so you can sleep in the bedroom with the bathroom.”
He mumbled again.
“That’s the spirit,” she said, knowing his mumble didn’t necessarily mean he was alert, but at least he was awake. She gingerly began to lift the blanket so he could climb out of bed. “Come on. I’ll help you walk.”
“I’m fine.” He took the cover from her hand and put it back where it had been. “I know I have what you and Daphne had. I also know it’s smarter to be in the bedroom with the bathroom. But I’m…well, naked under these covers.”
She stepped back.
He sort of laughed. “I’m harmless, but I still have my pride. Leave. I’ll be down.”
Zoe did as he said. Telling herself not to dwell on the fact that she had nearly seen him naked, she ran to the bedroom she was using and quickly gathered Daphne’s things. By the time she was done, Cooper was at the bottom of the steps. Though he had put on jeans and a T-shirt, he was also wrapped in the blanket from his bed.
“Just go ahead in and go back to sleep. Daphne and I will be as quiet as we can.”
“Great,” he rasped, then stumbled into the room.
He closed the door behind him, and Zoe breathed a sigh of relief. But when three hours passed without hearing a sound from him, she decided to make sure he was okay. She sneaked into the room and placed her hand on his forehead. It was hot, but he was sleeping soundly and there wasn’t anything she could do for him, so she left.
In the great room she paced, watched TV, then paced some more before she fed Daphne lunch and played with her. When Daphne fell asleep in her drawer, Zoe sneaked into the bedroom again to look in on Cooper. Though he slept soundly and there was no reason to stay in the room, Zoe stood by his bed, mesmerized.
His face was still shiny with fever, and his dark hair was disheveled from a restless sleep, but he was still the most handsome man Zoe had ever seen. She had nearly fainted when he’d kissed her. And, yeah, he was grumpy and self-centred, but he had a kind heart. Whether it was smart or not she liked him.
She took a quick breath. She liked him a lot. That was why she had been so troubled when she’d thought he had left without saying goodbye. Though he tried to pretend he was The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, deep down inside he was a good guy. In his story of his life, she had seen a man who had faced adversity and won. She had seen a man who still respected the very brothers who didn’t want him around. She had seen a man who was genuine and honest. Even the way he’d stopped the poker game the day before proved he had integrity. Unfortunately, it also quite clearly said he didn’t feel about her what she was realizing she felt about him.
Confused by how she could be letting herself fall for another man whose feelings didn’t match hers, she sat on the edge of the bed. When her weight shifted the mattress, he opened his eyes and she smiled. “You’re up.”
“If you want to call it that.”
Trying not to succumb to guilt over being the one who had given him the virus, she laid her hand across his forehead. “You feel a little hotter than I remember being.”
“I’m fine.”
“I’m sure you are, but it still worries me.”
He laughed.
“You think it’s funny that I worry?” she asked, knowing darned well he thought her a sap and knowing as well as he did that she was going to have to change.
“No, I do not think it’s funny that you worry. I was just trying to recall,” he said, his voice slow and tired, “the last person who worried about me.” He took a breath. “This is the other side of that life of mine that you’re trying to learn to copy. This is the empty side.” He caught her hand and his weary eyes held hers. “This is what you don’t want, Zoe. It’s okay for me to be alone. I know how to nurse myself through illnesses that come along. I can entertain myself on lonely nights. I don’t need a breakfast companion. But I don’t think it would be okay for you.”
She looked down at his hand holding hers. Strong callused fingers gripped hers firmly, as if he wanted to be certain she paid attention. But there was also comfort in the gesture, and a strange notion occurred to her. She’d thought he’d stopped the poker game because he was no longer interested in sleeping with her, but what if the conversation had caused him to see enough about her that he was beginning to like her the same way she liked him? He’d appeared angry, but what if that was because he’d recognized he was starting to care about her and he didn’t want to?
She stared at their joined hands. Now that he had her attention, he could let her hand go, yet he didn’t. It seemed odd that he would allow himself such a quiet gesture of affection, but she realized he might be too sick to fight his feelings. Maybe too sick to understand that something so sweet and simple as holding her hand meant a hundred times more to her than his wonderful, deep kiss had.
“And another thing,” he said quietly, then swallowed as if the slight conversation was exhausting him. “Don’t get all invested in the idea that you need to be selfish. That’s just going to ruin your life.”
Her eyes filled with tears. He did care. He cared enough to fight his own need to sleep to prevent her from making a mistake. However, she wasn’t kidding herself. Cooper was also a loner and loners didn’t hang around to help sort through problems. He might like her enough to clear up a misinterpretation, but he wasn’t the kind of guy who would work with her to fix what she had done wrong.
All the same, she’d reached her limit. Living her life longing for something she was never going to get was killing her. At the very least, it was killing her spirit.
“I’ve got to do something, Cooper,” she said, staring at their entwined fingers, wishing he were different, wishing he would stay, yet knowing if he were anybody but the stubborn, quiet, determined guy she was coming to know she wouldn’t feel the same about him. She liked that he stood his ground, knew his mind, only went after what he wanted. Even though that also meant he stayed away from her.
“I’m sort of breaking. You know how everybody has that point where they can’t keep up what they’re doing anymore because it’s hurting more than helping? That’s where I am.”
“You’ve got to find a way to keep going.”
She shook her head. “I’m out of ways.”
He took a breath and closed his eyes. “When I feel better, we’ll brainstorm.”
She smiled. “Right.”
“I mean it.”
His reply came out so slow and sluggish, Zoe knew it would only be a matter of seconds before he drifted off to sleep again. But he still had hold of her hand.
The pool of tears in her eyes expanded to overflowing. Whether he knew it or not, Cooper Bryant had real feelings for her. And she, well, she was falling in love with him.
“Why don’t you stay in my life and help me figure out what I’m supposed to be doing?” she asked, half hoping he had fallen asleep because she suspected she already knew the answer. He might have feelings for her, but he didn’t want them. He liked his life free of responsibilities. Women in general were a responsibility for men. But a woman with a baby and a past was a burden.
“I’m not the best person to help you figure out anything.” He drew a tired breath. “Besides, I don’t have time.”
“Have you ever tried making time?”
“Did I neglect to tell you about Bonnie?”
Zoe laughed. The fact that he compared her to an old girlfriend, not his brothers, not his partner, not a friend, was very telling and it gave her the courage to be honest. “Things between us would be different. I would be smart enough to know to give you space. I would know how to live with you, Cooper. I wouldn’t get in your way.”
When he didn’t reply, Zoe couldn’t tell if he didn’t argue because he’d fallen asleep, or if he was actually considering what she had said.
In case he was thinking about it, she pushed on. “You know�
��we have a built-in opportunity to see if we could have something because the sheriff is selling my parents’ house.” A new idea came to her and she blurted it out before she could stop herself. “I could move to Texas with you and stay with you until I got on my feet.”
But even as she said the words, Zoe knew she wouldn’t be staying with him until she got on her feet. She was already halfway in love with him. She would be totally in love with him after a few weeks of living with him. And she knew she’d spend those weeks desperately trying to make him love her.
Unfortunately, she also knew he’d be in his home territory and he could slide back into his routine and easily ignore her. Worse, he could end up wondering what the hell had possessed him to let her move to Texas with him. Assuming he even let her go with him at all.
Her suggestion of moving to Texas with him would only work if she could get him to realize right now, while they were still stuck in Pennsylvania together, that he wanted more from her than something casual.
Recognizing he was asleep by his deep breathing, Zoe rose from the bed. But when she reached the door she stopped. She felt better.
A lot better.
Almost as if she had hope in her life again.
In the great room, she peered into the drawer to make sure Daphne was still napping, then she sat on the sofa and analyzed what had happened in that bedroom. She couldn’t feel hope about her feelings for Cooper. He’d probably fallen asleep before she’d made her suggestion about Texas, but if he hadn’t, he had ignored it. When he was well again, he could yell at her for even asking. So she knew her unexpected infusion of well-being had not come from him.
She thought about everything they had said in those few minutes of conversation. When that reaped no results, she focused only on what she had said and she suddenly realized that buried in their discussion was her admission that the county sheriff would be selling her house.
She gasped softly. Whether she’d intended it or not, in that short discussion, she had let her house go.
She leaned back on the couch and closed her eyes. The truth was the house might come with free rent, but it was an albatross. It cost too much to heat. The roof needed to be patched. The faucets leaked. The furnace was on its last leg. Maybe that was why it didn’t hurt to let it go.
Even if Cooper Bryant didn’t want her, she was going to be okay. She and Daphne wouldn’t end up on the street. They’d end up in an apartment, probably shared with someone she’d find through a newspaper ad. And her new roommate could be good company. Who knew? She might end up with a best friend…or someone who could become as close as a sister.
That thought intensified the hope she felt. But she heard a sound from the bedroom and spun to face the closed door.
The idea of a sisterlike roommate did give her some sense of a happy future, but she’d much, much rather move to Texas. Still, she couldn’t be the one to bring it up again. She’d given Cooper plenty of hints that she would be willing to start something with him. But more than that, she couldn’t say or do anything that would cause him to put up those walls again. She had maybe one more day before Cooper would leave and she wasn’t going to ruin the chance that he might see the obvious for himself.
Cooper awakened at around four o’clock in the morning. Realizing his virus had run its course, he pushed himself out of bed. Though there was a bit of residual stiffness, he no longer felt he could throw up. He no longer felt weak. All of this was very good news.
He pulled on the jeans and T-shirt he had dropped at the side of the bed, then went in search of his boots. He found them, shoved his feet inside, grabbed his jacket and left the house. From the porch he looked out at the moonlight glistening off the packed snow. The air was crisp and clean. The world was a silent winter wonderland, and he let himself absorb the peace before he jogged down the steps and headed for the driveway.
The other good news of the morning was that in spite of his fever-induced delirium, he remembered talking with Zoe about selfishness. He didn’t recall exactly what he had said, but he knew he had made his point that selfishness wasn’t the way to go. Even though she’d argued a bit about needing to change something in her life, Cooper had no doubt she wouldn’t take the selfish route because she was a smart woman. She would be okay. And that meant he had to leave before he did any more damage to her fine, upstanding set of morals.
With the moon lighting his way, Cooper walked out to the road. When he saw it hadn’t yet been plowed, he sighed. But he also understood that the state had been busy clearing the main arteries. He was sure this road would fall into the department of transportation’s radar some time within the next twenty-four hours and he and Zoe could go their separate ways.
All he had to do was behave himself for about sixteen more hours and he wouldn’t have to worry that he’d ruined a perfectly sweet woman.
He trudged back to the cabin and glanced at his wristwatch. It was nearly five o’clock and he knew that Daphne usually woke before six o’clock, so after stripping off his denim jacket, he went into the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee. He watched it brew, then drank a cup, letting the minutes tick away until five-thirty, when he began frying bacon.
Around ten till six, the sounds of Daphne’s whimpers and wake-up cries drifted down the steps. At five till six, Zoe padded into the kitchen with Daphne.
“Good morning.”
This was where he hit the dilemma. If he wasn’t at least polite, Zoe would go back to believing the selfishness theory he had hoped he had wiped clean yesterday. But if he was too nice, she would get all the wrong ideas…. He stopped his thoughts. It might be true that Zoe was coming to like him as much as he feared he liked her, but once they left this house it wouldn’t matter if Zoe thought she was head over heels in love with him. They would never see each other again. It was better to err on the side of caution.
He smiled. “Good morning.”
“I see you’re feeling better.”
“A hundred percent better. But you probably know exactly how I feel since you had the same thing.”
She smiled. “Yeah.”
“Listen, why don’t you let me feed Daphne while you go shower? I know what it’s like to be her keeper for twenty-four straight hours, so I know you could use a break.”
She licked her lips. “Really?”
“Sure.” He’d expected a more joyful reaction, not something so analytical, and he concluded he must not have gotten his point across the day before. Knowing he couldn’t let her leave this house with the wrong idea, he decided he had more explaining to do. “I remember talking yesterday about selfishness—”
Her eyes widened. “You remember our conversation from yesterday?”
“Yes, and I want to make sure you got my message. I don’t want you thinking that by becoming selfish you can make your life better. You can’t.”
She frowned, then slowly asked, “That’s all you remember?”
“Yeah,” he said, but he searched her eyes. He experienced the usual slam in the gut that he always got when he looked into their blue depths, but this time he saw something that made him realize their conversation had gone a lot further. And whatever they’d discussed, it was important.
“What else did I say?”
Taking a step back, she licked her lips. “Nothing,” she said, but a current of electricity passed between them. More than attraction, it hinted that they’d come to an understanding…or something.
His eyes narrowed. “What else did you say?”
She drew a breath.
“Zoe?”
She sighed. “It’s not important. Really.”
He studied her for a second, feeling a strength of connection to her that had no basis. Finally, he said, “I think it is. I think I must have given you another wrong impression about me and I’d like the chance to fix it.”
She sighed again. “All right. What if I tell you this? You didn’t give me any wrong impressions.”
“I think I did. It isn’t just y
our behavior. I feel something—”
“Damn it!” she said, interrupting him. “You just aren’t going to let this go, are you?”
“No.”
“All right, then, here’s the deal. We had a really nice conversation because you were too sick to argue. You even held my hand. So I got brave enough to ask if I could come live with you when the sheriff sells my house.”
He frowned as the words began to sink in. Now that she mentioned it, he remembered holding her hand and how right it had felt. He remembered drifting off to sleep picturing her in the house on his ranch. Picturing her with the horses. Picturing her in his bed.
A shaft of white-hot desire shot through him, but he ignored it in favor of getting to the truth. “You asked to live with me….” He closed his eyes and realized what had happened. He’d been too weak to fight his feelings, and she’d seen them.
Unwilling to let her hope for another thing she couldn’t have, he shook his head. “Zoe, do not even go there.”
Her chin lifted. “Why not? It’s my life and—”
“That’s exactly the point. This is your life and you’re not the kind of girl to live with someone!”
“How do you know that when I don’t even know that for sure?”
“I know,” he said, getting angry now. She might not have been a virgin when he met her, but Zoe Montgomery was pure. Not the vague kind of pure people associate with sexuality, but pure about life. She wanted life’s best. In less than a week, he’d corrupted her.
He headed for the door. “I’m going outside to see if the snowplow came through.” He knew it hadn’t but she didn’t know he knew. “When I get back there’ll be no more talk of living together! You’re too good for that, Zoe,” he said, slamming the door behind him.
Chapter Eight
Midmorning another snowstorm hit. For two solid hours Zoe held Daphne on her lap and stared out the window. She reminded herself that even though Cooper Bryant didn’t want her, she could get a roommate. She also told herself that once she got rid of her albatross house, she could get loans and grants and go to school, and eventually land a job that paid well. Things were not that bleak. So what if Cooper Bryant didn’t want her to live with him? She hardly knew the man.