Kisses on Her Christmas List Read online

  “Tell me more.”

  “After the big shindig on Christmas Eve, you’d think Christmas day would be small potatoes, but my mom always found a way to make it special.” He laughed. “I remember the year she tried to make apple-and-cinnamon pancakes.”

  “Sounds yummy.”

  “Only if you like charcoal. She got it into her head for some reason or another that they’d taste better if she didn’t use the grill but fried them in a frying pan the way her mom used to when she was little.”

  “Uh-oh.”

  “She couldn’t adjust the temperature and most of them burned. At one point the pan itself started burning.” He shook his head and laughed. “I’ve always been glad my dad was quick with a fire extinguisher.”

  Finley began swinging their arms back and forth. Rory took another deep breath of the pine-scented air. A small shudder worked through Shannon’s heart. It was the perfect outing. Just like a mom and dad with their daughter, they walked the long thin rows, looking for the tree that would make their living room complete. And every time they’d start walking after pausing to examine a tree, Finley would swing their hands.

  “What about this one?”

  Rory had stopped at a towering blue spruce. Shannon studied it critically. “You don’t think it’s too tall?”

  “Better too tall than too short. If it’s too tall, we can always shave a few inches from the bottom.”

  She looked at it again. The needles were soft but bushy. Healthy. The branches were thick. There were no “holes,” as her father would say. No places where you could see the wall behind the tree because there was no branch filling in the space.

  “I like it.”

  “Then let’s tag it,” Rory said, reaching out to grab a branch and attach the tag. His arm brushed against her and Shannon jumped back. When their gazes met, she immediately regretted it.

  He was so good to her, so kind and she was nothing but jumpy.

  She swallowed. “I’m sorry.”

  He pulled away. “You’re just nervous.”

  That sounded like as good of an excuse as any. Especially since it was true. He did make her nervous. He made her shaky and antsy and all kinds of things because she liked him. Still, she didn’t need to tell him why she was nervous.

  “It’s cold. It’s close to Christmas. I have lots of work to do.” She shrugged. “So, yes, I’m nervous.”

  He cast a quick glance down at Finley, who was preoccupied with fitting her little pink boot into the footprint of someone who had walked down the row before them. “You’re not nervous because you like me?” He smiled endearingly. “Not even a little bit?”

  His question was so unexpected that she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, stalling, trying to figure out what to say. She didn’t want to insult or encourage him.

  Finally, confused and out of her element, she said, “I’m not sure.”

  He laughed. “You like me.”

  Her breath stuttered into her lungs at his confidence. She was on the verge of denying it, like a third grader confronted by the cute guy in class and too afraid to admit her crush, but he didn’t give her time.

  He turned and faced Finley. “Want to stay with Shannon or walk back with me so that we can get one of the tree cutters back here to help us out?”

  She didn’t even hesitate. “I’ll stay with Shannon.”

  He gave Shannon a wink before he turned and headed down the row. Finley said, “I like your tree.”

  Shannon glanced down with a smile. “I do, too.”

  “My dad picked out a good one. He’s smart.”

  “Yes, he is smart,” Shannon agreed, but her throat was closing and her knees were growing weak. He hadn’t confronted her about liking him to give her a chance to argue. He’d made a statement of fact, then walked away, as if giving her time to accept it.

  Accept it?

  She knewshe liked him. She fought her feelings for him every day. He hadn’t needed to tell her. He hadn’t needed to get it out in the open for them to deal with.

  She sucked in a breath. Stupid to panic. In another day or two, he’d be done looking at her store. Then he’d leave. And the rest of their dealings would be done through lawyers. Even if they had to meet to sign an agreement, it would be at a lawyer’s office.

  They wouldn’t spend enough time together for her “liking him” to mean anything. Even if he liked her back.

  Which he did—

  Oh, dear God. That’s why he’d said that! He was preparing her to hear him tell her that he liked her.

  With a glance down the row, she saw Rory returning with the tree cutter. She moved Finley out of the way as they approached.

  As if he hadn’t just dropped the bombshell that threatened to destroy the entire evening, Rory said, “You can go down and pay if you want.”

  She nodded, and, holding Finley’s hand, she raced down to the cashier. She paid for the tree and directed Finley to the SUV, where Rory and the farm employee were tying her blue spruce to her vehicle’s roof.

  As they got inside the vehicle and headed home, Shannon and Rory were quiet. But Finley chatted up a storm.

  “So how do we get the tree in the house?”

  Rory said, “We’ll park as close as we can to the porch, then I’ll hoist it on my shoulder and hope for the best.”

  Finley giggled. Shannon almost laughed, too. She could picture him wobbling a bit with an entire tree on his shoulder.

  “And then what do we do with it?”

  He looked over at Shannon. “I’m guessing Shannon has a tree stand.”

  “What’s a tree stand?”

  Shannon took this one. “That’s the thing that holds up the tree. Since it doesn’t have roots anymore, it needs help standing.”

  Finley nodded sagely. “Oh.” Then she grinned. “Do we get hot cocoa after that?”

  “As much as you want.”

  Rory peeked over at Shannon. “But not so much that she’s too wired to go to sleep tonight.”

  An unexpected longing shot an arrow straight to her heart. She wanted them to stay the night. She wanted to put the tree up in the living room, make hot cocoa and decorate the tree with them. Not just Finley, but Rory, too. She’d liked his stories of happy Christmas Eves and Christmases. She liked that his mom couldn’t cook any better than she could. She liked that he didn’t mind telling stories of his past. She liked that he didn’t mind leaving her with his child, doing the heavy lifting of the tree… Who was she kidding? She also liked that he was good-looking, funny, smart—and that he liked her.

  She turned to look out the window. He liked her.Her heart swelled with happiness, even as her stomach plummeted. He could like her until the cows came home, but that didn’t change the fact that they wouldn’t ever be together.

  Pulling into her driveway, Rory said, “I think the easiest way to get the tree off the SUV is for me to stand on one side, while you stand on the other. You untie your side of the ropes first. I’ll do mine second. Then I’ll ease the tree off on my side.”

  “Sounds like a plan.”

  Finley leaned forward. “Yeah. Sounds like a plant.”

  Rory laughed. “She said plan. It sounds like a plan.”

  “But a tree is a plant!”

  Shannon slanted him a look. “She’s got you there.”

  They got out of the SUV laughing. Rory stood on the driver’s side, while Shannon stayed on the passenger’s side.

  “Okay,” he called. “You untie the ropes on your end.”

  As quickly as she could, Shannon undid the ropes currently holding the tree to her side of the SUV.

  “Okay!”

  “Okay!” Rory called back. “Now, I’ll untie mine.”

  The branches of the blue spruce shimmied a bit as he dealt with the ropes. Then suddenly it shivered a little harder, then began to downright shake. Before Shannon knew what was happening, it rolled toward her, and then tumbled off the roof.

  Finley screamed and raced up t
he porch. Shannon squealed and jumped out of the way, but the tree brushed her as it plopped into the snow.

  Rory came running over. In a move that appeared as instinctive as breathing, he grabbed her and pulled her to him. “Oh, my God! Are you all right?”

  Even through his jacket she could feel his heart thundering in his chest. Feel his labored, frightened breathing.

  “It just brushed me.” She tried to say the words easily, but they came out slow and shaky. It had been so long since a man had cared about her so much that he hugged her without thinking, so long since she’d been pressed up against a man’s chest, cocooned in a safe embrace. Loved.

  She squeezed her eyes shut. There it was. The thing that scared her about him. He was tumbling head over heels in love with her, as quickly as she was falling for him. She’d spent days denying it. Then another two days avoiding it, thinking it would go away. But it wasn’t going away.

  They were falling in love.

  CHAPTER NINE

  R ORY PULLED THE TREE UPand hoisted it over his shoulder the way he’d told Finley he would.

  Shannon watched him. Her heart in her throat with fear that he might hurt himself, then awe at the sheer power and strength of him. He might work in an office all day, but he was still a man’s man. Still strong. Masculine. Handsome.

  Oh, Lord, she had it bad.

  And the worst part was, he knew.

  Thanking God for the built-in chaperone of Finley, she scrambled up the stairs behind him. She could hear Finley’s little voice saying, “Okay, turn left, Daddy.” She squealed. “Duck down! Duck down! You’re going to hit the doorway!”

  Shannon quickened her pace.

  Rory dropped the tree to the living-room floor with a gentle thump. He grinned at her. “You women. Afraid of a little bit of dirty work.”

  Shannon glanced down at the pine needles around her feet. “A little bit of dirty work? I’ll be vacuuming for days to get these needles up.”

  Rory laughed. “Where’s your tree stand?”

  “It’s by the window.”

  He made short order of getting the tree in the stand. After removing her boots and coat, Finley stood on the club chair nearby giving orders. “It’s leaning to the left.”

  He moved it.

  “Now it’s leaning to the right.”

  They were so cute, and it was so wonderful to have them in her house, that her heart filled with love. Real love. She knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she had fallen in love with them. Especially Rory. Finley would grow up and move on. But she could see herself growing old with Rory.

  And that was wrong. Really wrong. So she ducked out of the living room for a minute or two of private time in the kitchen.

  Busying herself with making cocoa for Finley, she chided herself. “So you’re falling in love. Big deal. He’s gorgeous. He’s good with his daughter. And—” She sucked in a breath. “He likes you, too. Is it any wonder you’re being drawn in?”

  The kitchen door swung open. Rory walked in. “Are you talking to yourself?”

  Her blood froze in her veins. This was a consequence of living alone for the past few months. She did talk to herself. Out loud.

  Hoping he hadn’t heard what she’d said, only the mumbling of her talking, she brushed it off. “Old habit.” Turning from the stove to face him, she said, “Not a big deal.”

  Then she looked into his eyes, saw the attraction she’d been denying and avoiding, and her pulse skittered. What she wouldn’t give to be able to accept this. To run with it. Step into his arms and look into his eyes and just blatantly flirt with him.

  As if reading her mind, he walked over, caught her elbows and brought her to him. “Thanks for tonight. Finley had a great time and I did, too.”

  His entire body brushed up against hers, touching, hinting, teasing her with thoughts of how it would feel to be held by him romantically. Her heart tumbled in her chest. Her brain said, Say you’re welcome and step away,but her feet stood rooted to the spot. She’d longed to be wanted for an entire year, yearned for it. And here he was a whisper away.

  “Do you think we should have a little conversation about what I told you at the tree farm?”

  Her tongue stayed glued to the roof of her mouth. Little starbursts of possibility exploded inside her. But her brain rebuked her. Step away. Pretend you don’t understand what he’s getting at.

  He nudged her a little closer. Her breasts swept against his chest. Their thighs brushed. The starbursts of possibilities became starbursts of real attraction, arousal. He was here. Hers for the taking. All she had to do was say a word. Or two. Or maybe even just smile.

  “I know you’re attracted to me.” He laughed. “I haven’t been out of the game so long that I don’t recognize the signs.” He nudged her closer still. “And I like you.”

  His head began to descend and she knew he was going to kiss her. She couldn’t have told if it had taken ten seconds or ten minutes for their lips to meet. Caught in his gaze, mesmerized by his soft words, she stood frozen, yearning egging her on while fear stopped her.

  But when his lips met hers, pure pleasure punched through her objections. Her brain went blank and she simply let herself enjoy the forbidden fruit he offered. His lips nibbled across the sensitive flesh of her mouth. Shivers of delight raced down her spine. He deepened the kiss, parting her lips and sliding his tongue inside her waiting mouth. Yearning ricocheted through her. Not just for physical satisfaction, but for everything connected to it. Love. Commitment. Family.

  But she couldn’t give him a family. And pretending she could, stringing him along, was wrong.

  She reluctantly, painfully stepped away. The jackhammer beat of her pulse reduced to a low thud. The tingles of desire flooding her system mocked her.

  Rory’s voice softly drifted to her, breaking in on her personal agony. “Why are you fighting this?”

  She leaned against the counter. Tears swam in her eyes. The arousal coursing through her blood competed with the anger and frustration battering her brain.

  “If you’re worried about the distance, about the fact that you may have to leave town if I buy Raleigh’s, you could always continue working for me.”

  She squeezed her eyes shut as pain shot through her. He liked her enough that he was already making compromises.

  “I’d have to stay in Virginia, but it’s only a four-hour drive. One week you could drive down to me, the next I could drive up to you.” He chuckled. “I’d give you every Friday off. It’s one of the advantages of dating the boss.”

  The tears stinging her eyes became a flood. He liked her enough that he was planning a future. A real future. One with kids and a dog and a white picket fence and a husband and wife who really would love each other until death parted them.

  When she didn’t answer, he walked up behind her. Slid his hands around her waist. “Shannon?”

  The tears spilled over. Her heart splintered into a million pieces. Her lips trembled.

  “Why are you upset, when I’ve already worked it all out for us?” He chuckled softly. “I can understand that you’d be afraid of starting something because of your ex. But I’m not like your ex. Not only would I never hurt anyone, but I like you. A lot. More than I ever thought I could like—”

  She cut him off when she turned in his arms. Blinking back tears she let herself study his face, his fathomless black eyes, his wonderful, perfect mouth, the mouth that kissed so well.

  She wanted to remember this. She wanted to remember what it looked like when a man really wanted her. With the pain shredding her heart, shattering her soul, at the knowledge that she was going to have to tell him she couldn’t have kids, she knew beyond a shadow of doubt that she would never, ever get close to a man again. So she’d memorize Rory. Never forget him. Never forget what it felt like to be wanted. If only for a little while.

  He tried to pull her close but she shrugged out of his hold. She couldn’t handle it if he dropped his arms from around her when she told
him the truth. Because she had to tell him the truth. Not only did he like her enough that she had to be fair, but she also liked him enough that she could accept nothing less from herself than total honestly.

  She stepped away. Cleared the lump filling her throat. Quietly, with the burden of pain it always brought, she said, “I can’t have kids.”

  His face contorted with confusion. “What?”

  She drew a harsh breath, caught his gaze. When reality had to be faced, it was best to face it head-on. Bravely. Now that she had her bearings she could do just that.

  “My ex left me the day I had a hysterectomy. I had the kind of endometriosis that compromises vital organs. I had no choice.”

  His features softened with sympathy for her. “I’m so sorry.”

  “And you love kids.” Swallowing back a waterfall of tears that wanted to erupt, she turned away. “I see how you are with Finley, but we’ve also discussed this. The day we went sledding you told me how much fun it was to have Finley and that if—” Her voice faltered. “If you ever found someone to love again you would want more kids.”

  He stepped up behind her. “Those were words—”

  “That was truth,” she shot back harshly. She didn’t want him saying things tonight that he’d regret in the morning. She turned, faced him. She refused to let her misery compromise her pride. “You love kids. You wouldn’t even have to say the words. Anybody who saw you with Finley would know. But you told me. You told me plainly that if you ever fell in love again, it would be to remarry…to have kids.” She paused long enough to draw in some much needed air. “If we acknowledge that honestly, and stop what’s happening between us now, there’ll be no hard feelings. No one will get hurt because we barely know each other.”

  He brushed at the tear sitting on the rim of her eyelash. “Shannon…” Her name was a soft question that she didn’t know how to answer.

  So she shrugged away from him, swallowed and said, “Don’t. Really. I’m fine with this.”

  He didn’t pull her to him again, but she still stood close enough that he brushed at the second tear. “Then why are you crying?”